SEE HOW YOU measure up in a new TrumpQuiz. Remember, send your answers to the Trump Organization’s Fifth Avenue headquarters. Billions of dollars are at stake. Good luck.

To emerge victorious on The Apprentice, you should:

1. Let a leech slither up your urethra.
2. Find out before the end of the season whether Donald actually owns any of the projects to which he’ll assign you if you win.
3. Grovel.
4. Be extremely innovative and industrious.
5. Pander.
6. When in doubt, don’t stick out.
7. Call Donald “Mr. Trump,” and mean it.
8. Be smart and be on time.
9. Handle your boardroom grillings like Donald Rumsfeld handles press conferences.
10. Crawl around on all fours whenever necessary.
11. Have a big-time genetic pool.

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